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Crisis De-Escalation Tips for Parents & Teens

Mother comforting teen girl
Mother comforting teen girl

Approaching a teen in crisis

Seeing your child in crisis can be painful and overwhelming. Though it can be challenging to interact during a mental health crisis, you can use de-escalation techniques to help your teen feel better.

When approaching a teen in crisis, keep your body language and voice neutral to avoid adding tension to the situation. Remember that your own words and actions are the only things you have complete control over during a crisis.

Your teen may feel out of control when they're in crisis. If you take an authoritative approach to de-escalation, it may make that ‘out of control’ feeling even worse for your teen. If you avoid using a confrontational or commanding tone and remain calm yourself, you are more likely to effectively de-escalate a crisis.

Talking to a teen in crisis

Engage your teen to find out how they are feeling and why. This starts with just listening. Actively listen, reflecting to your teen what you hear by using their own words, and after that you can ask questions to clarify the situation. Be careful not to judge them or their feelings and actions. Only after they feel heard and understood can you assist in examining choices for their next steps.  

During a crisis, a person’s mental state can change quickly. Remain flexible and adapt your approach as the conversation progresses.

Bear in mind that you are talking to your teen – not their crisis. While they may say or do things during a crisis that do not resemble their typical personality, you should not respond directly to these behaviors. Instead, focus on the feelings or needs behind crisis behaviors, and consider ways you may be able to address these feelings and needs.

Your goal is to help your teen cope and resolve their own crisis. When possible, take a collaborative approach to de-escalation rather than trying to fix a crisis by yourself.

Providing space during crisis

Respecting a teen’s physical space is important during a crisis, but this is not the only type of space you should reserve.  

Allow pauses in the conversation, and if appropriate, give them a few minutes to have a break before continuing a conversation. This time can be vital for teens to clear their thoughts, reflect on the de-escalation strategies you used, and cope with their feelings.

To provide physical space, move a teen in crisis to a private area if it's safe to do so. Many people in crisis can easily feel smothered; to avoid crowding your teen, sit or stand at least 18 inches away unless they ask for you to be closer to them. Barring a safety issue, avoid blocking exits or physically restraining a teen in crisis.

Setting boundaries

Clear and enforceable boundaries can be necessary to protect both you and your teen as a crisis escalates. Name your limits and communicate with your teen about any rules that are non-negotiable.

Mental health crisis resources

Not every mental health crisis can be resolved through de-escalation. If your teen is experiencing a mental health crisis and is in danger of hurting themselves or others, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or call 911 to reach emergency medical services.

Get immediate help

SAMHSA helpline
SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year mental health treatment referral.
800-662-HELP (4357)
Teen Link
Teen Link is a confidential and anonymous helpline for teens. Call or text between the hours of 6:00pm - 9:30pm. 866-833-6546
866-833-6546